Thursday, January 29, 2009

aiight, aiight, aiight

Yo, dis Bbba frum Crucial Element.


Fuck is up wit' dem dogs, son! I was walkin' outside and its cold as a bitch who practice chastity. Not like one a dem quaker hoes who don't know how good sects wit' me is, but like a super model hoe who DO know how good sects wit' me is, but she don't wanna do it 'cause she bein' cold. Its like dat kinda cold outside.

Anyways, I was walkin' 'n shit and I saw this chick walkin' her dog and she had on her lil' hat wit' her lil' scarf 'n her ugly ass ugs on (snow boots is WACK, son) and her dog ain't have on shit! No wonder dogs is always shittin' on shit. They don't give a fuck. Dey like, "Fine, you gonna have me out here walkin in the freezin' ass cold, I'm gonna shit on your grass and I'ma piss on yo' trees!"

Yo, put a damn sweater or somethin' on your dog, bitches!

I was on the internets lookin' for dat Paris Hilton sex tape shit, but I ended up reading this blog by a dude named Perez Hilton. I thought it was her brotha or some shit, but it turns out he's just like some dude who puts white shit around celebrities' mouths in pictures 'n shit. I thought the shit was wack for 2 reasons:

1) I don't even think dude is REALLY hispanic. How you gonna be named Perez and you ain't hispanic?!
2) Dude ain't shit. All he doin' is puttin' white shit around people's mouths and drawin' dicks 'n shit.
3) Dude is part of dat papparaki media and that shit is wack-a-docious.

And although that papparaki shit is wack, I figured that if some fake ass hispanic dude can get money by drawin' skeet stains on people's mouths, then me and Ghost can become papparaki and stack madd greenery. Except hat we gonna do the shit for real!!!!

So, me and Ghost gonna go to California with a camera and we gonna look for celebrities with the papparaki media. But while those idiots is takin' pictures of dem goin' to the grocery store or on the beach 'n shit we gonna be gettin' pictures of us skeetin' in they mouths. So yeah, Perez can draw all the skeet you want. When C.E. comes into the game with pictures of celebrities with REAL skeet on they mouth - not only dat but OUR skeet - we gonna run shit!

Move over, son!!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Da Get Money Capers for CRUCIAL Times

Yo, dis Bubba frum CRUCIAL ELEMENT!

So, I read the news and it turns out that there the American conomy really IS jacked right now. I thought it was all a conspiracy plot to get us to shop at Wal-Mart, but as it turns out shyt really iz fuucced. So, me an' my homie Ghost been comin' up wit' mad shyt we can do to get money.

I mentioned in da last blog about gettin' up on gold. Gold is always worth somethin', son. So basically da plan is dat me an' Ghost gonna invest in gold and melt it into gangsta grillz and sell 'em for crazy profit. Scientific studies show dat different demographics have a shortage of gangsta grillz. I mean, I done the research myself when I'm in da streets. How many people you see with grillz? Not many, right? Boom...there's a shortage and where there is shortage there is demand and where there is demand there is CRUCIAL ELEMENT replacin' the shortage with a surplus. Its economix.

So the plan go like dis:

1) Go to da bank and trade money for gold.
2) Melt da gold.
3) Make da gold inta gangsta grillz.
4) Sell the grillz.
5) Get money.

Dis is more like a classical approach to savin' money. All C.E. gotta do is blow up and we good.

So da plan go like dis:

1) Blow up.
2) Get money.

Its full proof, son. You don't get more full proof than dat!

Aiight, I'm gone.


Monday, January 26, 2009

it gets madd crucial....

Yo, dis Bubba from Crucial Element.


What's really gud wit' dis Obama shyt, son?! I know you just as x-cited as me and Ghost that the president is black. Well, honestly, you have Crucial Element to thank for dat.

After C.E. put up "ODrama" on da web presidential votes for Obama went up like maaad percentages. The media didn't want to give us our props for hookin' that mu'facca up, so they propogated some sort of economic downward spiral conspiracy to cover up the fact that it was CRUCIAL ELEMENT who got Obama popular and in da White House.

Not only dat da White House teamed up with Wal-Mart 'cause whenever shyt gets bad people run for the nearest fuuccin' Wal-Mart.

F what you heard, son. There ain't no economic crisis. I know 'cause a ya' boy Bubba is still gettin' money! Ghost and I get so much money that we was talkin' about investin' in like Japanese properties 'n shit. I did the economic calculations and decided that it would be proper for us to launch big corporation.

Here iz sum ideas we got:

ORANGE: Basically, ORANGE is like APPLE, but not as fruit loopy, knawmean. Apple be havin' dem sleek girl-lookin' computers and name 'em shyt like Macbook Air or, like, Macbook Gay. We gonna name our computers stuff like, The Notorious C.P.U. or like, The OrangeBookPussy (fo' da hoes).

McDUCK TOWERS: So, I was up late night one night watchin' tv and saw a commercial that was basically sayin' that gold is whats poppin'. So, wat C.E. is gonna do is trade in all our money for gold coins and fill up a tower with dat shyt. Its gonna be like Duck Tales, but on some real shyt!

Yo, we got mad more ideas, but I don't want you jackin' our big money capers.

I'm out.


da rulez for HUMP DAY!

Yo, Wednesday comes around, like, almost every week. Wednesday is Hump Day and you know what dat means, right? There's gonna be a whole lotta humpin' goin' on.

I'm glad that the dude who invented Hump Day invented it cuz it gives people reasons to knock boots. Now, for me myself personally I hump on the regular, so its like nuffin', but for da people who may be reading this, Hump Day actually means somethin' since you don't get to have as much sex as I do.

So, my homie Ghost and I have compiled a list of things you may need to participate in the Hump Day festivities.

PROTECTION: Never have sex without protection. I keep a .45 under the pillow incase a hoe try to run off wit' my money after we finished or if her man busts in and wants to bring that drama. BONGITY!

PROPER LIGHTING: Yo, dis is crucial, so listen up. If you don't have the proper lighting, then you gonna ruin the shit. Don't let this happen. Make sure you have an extra lighter to light your Post Hump Blunt. Its always good to have an extra lighter for lighting incase your other one is out of juice, knawmean? If you're really smart you'll be humpin' someone who knows how to roll one up.

PROPER MUSIC: Some romantical type of prick will tell you that you need to put on some Luther Vandross or some Barry White or some other bitch ass softie shit. A hoe may wanna play some Britteny Spears or sumthin'. Fucc dat, son. Put on some Uncle Luke or some Crucial Element. Of course Crucial Element is better. Panties be droppin' from dat ass like doo-doo after Baskin Robins Delux Bowls. I tend to hump women who like our new joint, Sippin' on Gangsta Juice.

OILS: Make sure you fill up your car with oil before you go over to dat hoe's house. You don't wanna not have enough to dip out after you don't humpin'. If you stuck there she'll wanna talk 'n shit. I ain't down fo' dat. One time, my car ran out of oil and I had to walk half a mile to the oil station and fill that shit up. It was NOT pimpin'.

SANWHICHES: Its always good to treat a bitch to dinner before you hump, so bring over some sanwhiches. You can't go wrong with jelly sanwiches. You could bring peanut butter and jelly, but don't go all out like dat unless you in luv wit' a bitch.

Aiight, yo. This is ya' boy Bubba signing off.

Be on the look out for more PODCASTS! and videos and music 'n shit. Comin' soon.